He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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