I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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