Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
