I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
