I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
