my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
