garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
