sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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