Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
