u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
