Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
