I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dick has a subreddit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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