I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
