I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
