there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
