Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
