So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
