i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
