Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
