I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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