flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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