apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
