sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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