Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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