i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
