Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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