I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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