then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
