she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
