Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
