How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
