just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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