i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
even my farts smell like vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
