I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
