If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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