Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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