Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My liver just broke up with me...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
