my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
