overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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