she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
