For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
