My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
