I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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