i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
