If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
