Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
