When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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