the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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