His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
