Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
